Asking for Help: Remove the Stigma

 Asking for Help: Remove the Stigma

 

Welcome to What’s In the Middle! Today I want to delve into an issue that continues to plague a lot of people, myself included - the issue of help. Specifically, the issue of asking for help from others. Now, take me for instance, one of the reasons my relationship has suffered is because I am not someone who likes to ask for help. I have come to recognize that this is not just an issue with my boyfriend, but with pretty much everyone. I tried to take on everything myself, believing I could cope and didn’t need any help.

 It was the balance of risk - the only person I could let down would be myself, so this felt like a risk worth taking. And the other issue, and this is more common, is that I believed it came across as some sort of a weakness to ask for help.

 To me it was important to ensure I was dependent upon myself and nobody else. I was a strong and confident woman who relied on myself and nobody else. And that was that! This is due a lot to my upbringing, with an emotionally distant addict father, and a strong, self-reliant mother who never relied on anyone. It never occurred to me how much this would come to shape my life until now.

 Business guru Gary Vanerchuk believes that the most important aspect of life and business is, hands down, self-awareness. And I certainly think he has a point here. My path as an entrepreneur could have been so much less stressful and chaotic if I had asked for help at different points.

 Why are we generally so reticent to seek help? Is it a fear of rejection? Perhaps we view it as a sign of weakness? Perhaps it is a bit of both. But why do so many things seem black and white? We need to do more to try to reach for the middle ground. For a sense of calm and balance. The whole idea of finding the center in life is a big part of what I’m trying to explore here with What’s In the Middle?

One of the positives we are seeing coming out of this global pandemic is that people are opening up more, and are more inclined to ask for help when they need it these days. Whether it’s people struggling with mental health in isolation or those who need help grocery shopping, we are reaching out to our fellow citizens more than ever.

 Indeed, reaching out has so many advantages, and there are often plenty of people out there who are willing to offer or provide help. Leadership coach Nora Bouchard advises this approach, stating, “Even if someone can’t help you, it’s still a good idea to talk to them. It may be that the person you’re talking to can’t help you themselves, but they know someone who can.”

 We can all get better at asking for help, and Bouchard suggests that one of the best ways of achieving this is to start off small. It’s like anything, baby steps are essential to begin with, until such a time that you are more comfortable with it.

 Think of the scenarios in your life where you can apply this approach and ask for help more. If you’re struggling with mental health, this is a necessity. But, you might also find it improves your performance and understanding at work, and this comes with a lot of wonderful benefits to it.

 Sure, boundaries are important in this instance. You don’t want to feel like you owe someone a favor. Help is a two-way street, but there needs to be give and take on both sides for it to work. Not wanting to let people you're indebted to down is one of the big things that can put people off when it comes to asking for help.

 We could all do more to improve the way we tackle problems, and asking for help is something we need to get better at. Do you guys have any examples of how the stigma of asking for help has impacted your life, and how you got around it? Take the step this week of sitting down and coming up with two occasions in your life where you feel like you should ask for help, and try to actually do it, and I will do the same! It will be interesting to see the impact of this moving forward.