"The Illusion of Immunity: Why Being in an Interracial Relationship Doesn't Eliminate Racism"

 

"The Illusion of Immunity: Why Being in an Interracial Relationship Doesn't Eliminate Racism"

I've always encountered the rhetoric that one can't be racist if they have a black neighbour, Indian friends, or have dated a Persian. If I had a penny for every time I've heard someone say, "How can I be racist? I have a Pakistani friend," I'd be a millionaire. This belief was something I passively accepted, not fully understanding its flaws, until recently when a public figure whom we as a nation look up to was criticized despite having an Indian wife. The argument was that his marriage somehow absolved him of any racist attitudes, but that simply isn't true.

I used to have a Swiss friend who, despite being married twice to white Americans and then to a Filipina after those marriages failed, was one of the most racist people I knew. Ironically, he had a Swiss accent and called everyone here "foreigners." He married a woman from the Philippines, possibly because she was willing to give him a chance or perhaps because he felt he could control and dictate to her, which he often did. This experience made it clear to me that being in a relationship with a person of colour doesn't mean someone can't be racist toward others.

Many people assume that interracial relationships act as a shield against racism, but this is a dangerous misconception. It's possible to be friends with, date, or even marry a person of colour and still hold prejudiced views or exhibit discriminatory behaviour toward others. Racism isn't just about overt actions or explicit hate; it's often subtle, ingrained in societal norms, and can manifest in unconscious biases.

Being in an interracial relationship can provide unique insights and challenges to one's perspectives. However, it doesn't automatically eliminate existing biases or prevent new ones from forming. Everyone must engage in ongoing self-reflection, education, and open dialogue about race and privilege. This commitment to self-awareness and growth is essential for addressing and overcoming prejudice.

Discussing issues of race and privilege is vital in any relationship, especially interracial ones. This strengthens the partnership and creates a more inclusive and understanding environment. By recognizing that racism can exist even within the context of interracial relationships, we can work towards fostering a more equitable society for all.

I would like to add that this perspective comes from personal experience. I once dated a white guy who clearly held racist views and disliked immigrants. However, we connected one night when we were both drunk and ended up in a relationship. It took me a while to realize why he wasn't introducing me to his mother or sister and refused to tell them about me. When I confronted him, he admitted that they, like him, disliked "Pakis" and anyone who isn't white, believing they were taking over the country and they smell But he told me, "You're okay; you're cool. You speak English, you were born here, you don't smell your cute, you're not a Paki, so I get it. But still will not be able to introduce you to his family as they will not get it."

At that time, I was young, naive, and eager to fit in, so all I heard was that I was "cool" and accepted. Looking back now, with the perspective of age, I would have responded differently. In fact, I wouldn't have engaged in such a conversation, drunk or not. Maybe if I was really drunk and desperate, joking, lol, no, I would not.

 But I'm glad I went through this experience because it gave me firsthand insight into dating someone with racist beliefs and helped me learn a lot about myself. I have no regrets about my teenage years and experiences, as they've given me a broader perspective and a more mature understanding now. 

So he was okay dating me but hated all the other coloured people.

That's all I have to say about that. Thank you, JD Vance, for bringing this to my attention. It helps me understand why I felt confused during my younger years.

This is just my personal view, and I understand if you might disagree.